Ten Action Signals... Hurt

3. HURT. If there's any one emotion that seems to dominate human relationships, both personal and professional, it's the emotion of hurt. Feelings of hurt are usually generated by a sense of loss. When people are hurt, they often lash out at others. We need to hear the real message hurt gives us.

The message : The message the hurt signal gives us is that we have an expectation that has not been met. Many times this feeling arises when we've expected somebody to keep their word and they didn't (even if you didn't tell them your expectation that, for example, they not share with someone else what you talked with them about). In this case, you feel a loss of intimacy with this person, maybe a loss of trust. That sense of loss is what creates the feeling of hurt.

The Solution :

1) Realize that in reality you may not have lost anything. Maybe what you need to lose is the false perception that this person is trying to wound or hurt you. Maybe they really don't realize the impact of their actions on your life.

2) Secondly, take a moment and reevaluate the situation. Ask yourself, "Is there really loss here? Or am I judging the situation too soon, or too harshly?

3) A third solution that can help you get out of a sense of hurt is to elegantly and appropriately communicate your feeling of loss to the person involved. Tell them, "The other day when X-Y-Z happened, I misinterpreted that to mean that you didn't care and I have a sense of loss. Can you clarify for me what really happened? Simply by changing your communication style and clarifying what's really going on, you will often find that hurt disappears in a matter of moments.

However if hurt is not dealt with, it often becomes amplified and turns into ...

4. ANGER.

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