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How to change anything in your life

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Most people know that they really want to change, yet they just can't get themselves to do it! But change is usually not a question of capability; it's almost always a question of capability; it's almost always a question of motivation. 

If someone were to put a gun to our heads and say "You better get out of that depressed state and start feeling happy now," I bet any one of us could find a way to change our emotional state for the moment under these circumstances.

But the problem, is that change is often a should and not a must. Or it's a must, but it's a must for "someday". The only way we're going to make a change now is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we're compelled to follow through. 

Every change you've accomplished in your life is the result of changing your neuro-associations about what means pain and what means pleasure. So often, though, we have a hard time getting ourselves to change because we have mixed emotions about changing.

 On the one hand, we want to change. We don't want to get cancer from smoking. We don't want to lose our personal relationships because our temper is out of control. We don't want our kids to feel unloved  because we're harsh with them. We don't want to feel depressed for the rest of our lives because of something that happened in our past. We don't want to feel like victims anymore.

On the other hand we fear change. We wonder, "What if I stop smoking cigarettes, but I die of cancer anyway and I've given up the pleasure that cigarettes used to give me?" Or what if I let go of this negative feeling about the rape, and it happens to me again?"

We have mixed emotions where we link both pain and pleasure to changing, which causes our brain to be uncertain as to what to do, and keeps us from utilizing our full resources to make the kinds of changes that can happen literally in a moment if every ounce of our being were committed to them......
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